Rant

First World Problems.
I hate that phrase. It just pisses me off. What is second world? I know what third world is. I am aware of all of the shit in this fucking world. I am a worrier. I ruminate, I dwell, I worry. I feel fucking guilty all the time. I have so much guilt that it throws me into the realm of psychosis and deep, dark, morbid depression.
But, you know what? I am trying to change that. I am trying to be more positive. I am looking at the utterers of this phrase and I am like "well, what the fuck are you doing to help with these third world, problems"? Nothing. Not a fucking thing. I understand that it is all perspective. Truth, Life, Everything is perspective.
Yes, there are bigger problems in the world. But, you know what? There is nothing I can/need/want to do about them. I have one life. This Life. I am just human having my own human experience. My problems are real. They are my challenges to face. And they bug me. I have perspective. I have seen rock bottom a few times now. I have faced addiction, near death, and fucking childbirth.
Just because I chose to share my problems with the world looking for possible solutions, answers, perspective that I have not seen before does not mean I don't care. I just do-too deeply and I have to let that go to make my human experience a more positive one. I am tired of carrying the worlds misery on my shoulders. I need to face and change my own.
And why the fuck can I not spell awnser or expirience? Since second grade this has been a problem for my tired brain. I need a nap.
End Rant.
(This does not apply to anyone who has actually traveled to a third world and did what they could to help).


-Adree Does Eat

Wandering Souls Christmas Dinner

Cheese-all kinds with goodies on the side

Mussels in (Thai/Tuscan) Fusion Sauce

Chinese Dumplings with Sauce


Roast Pork with Pear, Sweet Potato, Bacon, Chestnuts and Onion Raspberry Compote

Green beans with Lemon and Almond

And other stuff








-Adree Does Eat

One Moment, One Day at a Time

Planning Christmas....

Yay!

Sigh...

Woot!!!!

Ahhh....

I need a shower and some excederine....

I got a headache called Christmas!!!!

-Adree Does Eat

Thanksgiving Rant-not for the faint

Thanksgiving.

What's not to love? You have the cooking, the wine, the beer, the mimosas, the football, the friends, the family...the the the...

Well-this time of year I always kind of shut down. I hate it.

To me it is a reminder of the fact I have been forced to have sex too many times against my will. How can I be thankful on a day that reminds me of rape?

Too shocking? Stop reading!

Well, I am truly thankful to be alive. That almost didn't happen many times. I am thankful for food. There were many times I didn't have any, and many more that I did but couldn't eat it. I am thankful for family since at one time mine had abandoned me. I am thankful for warmth since I spent many days and nights cold. I am thankful for a home since I didn't have one to call my own for years. I am thankful for makeup because I love to look pretty....

*Sigh*

Looking pretty...Is that where my problem lies? Maybe. Maybe it was just location, means and opportunity...
A tiny female in a tiny car, on a dark street, alone in downtown Detroit the night before a major holiday beckons to be kidnapped, held at gun point and tortured-right? I guess so. I'm at peace with the fact I put myself there. Now what angers me is the polices reaction-or lack there of...

I watch forensic shows all the time, even in a small town, such a case would have at least received some attention a rape kit, fingerprinting, a sworn statements-something. If there was DNA on file maybe they could have prosecuted the demon-he had already been to jail...something, anything and I could have got my justice. Ack!!! Unfortunately, I will never get any.

Fuck the police!

I'm also mad at a few friends and family members that refused to accept that it happened. See also: a few people that chose to pressure me for more excitement during sex this time of year.

This shit happens, it happened to me. Fuck the whole bunch of you!

Hello C-PTSD can we get past this someday, please? Thanks!

I am thankful for my sobriety this year. Good job, lets keep it up. Lets not let this holiday reminder of something tragic ruin all we have accomplished. It's just a holiday-a date on a calendar...try not to let anything get you down. Honestly, no matter how much you drink, you'll hate yourself more in the morning.

You're safe, you're warm, you have a great family-bask in all they have to offer and hold your little girl a little closer tonight.

Fuck anyone/thing trying to get you down. Stay home if you need, be alone. Nothing is worth ruining how far you have come.

Be thankful-you survived!

Love and thanks this day and everyday you're awesome. Stay Strong.

Happy Thanksgiving!


-Adree Does Eat

-Adree Does Eat

The Fuck-It's: Part One

Rise above.

-Adree Does Eat

Shhh Hush

"...That is why her hair is so big, it's full of secrets..."

My body is full of secrets.

It has kept me from knowing I was becoming an alcoholic. One night I just woke up and realized my life and health were unmanageable.

It kept me from knowing that even though I love food I will cannot fathom why I have such an intense palette. I can taste anything and pretty much duplicate it. I rarely gain any weight, I am often underweight instead...wtf? So much so that people always comment...

Right now it seems I may have gall bladder issues. Or my pancreas is flaring upas my pain there is ever ebbing and severe.

My headaches are crippling and I have had them ever since I can remember. I used to steal I bupropion when I was only six and hide it under my dresser. SIX! My parents never took me to a doctor because let's be honest-they never wanted me or gave enough of a fuck to get it looked into-surprise mom and dad!!!-There was and is something seriously is wrong with my brain and body!!! By ignoring it, is now beyond fixing-thanks, by the way.

Since the car accident and subsequent car jacking, rape and torture...they are a constant in my life. Is it mental and physical? Who fucking cares my bloody head is killing me!

This year will be one of the only years to date I will be sober for this anniversary. I really don't know what to feel about it anymore.

That night fractured me in so many ways I may not be able to even find all of the pieces. I did not even so much as drive by myself much until I was thirty-thirty!

I was eighteen when it happened and every time I look in the mirror I see the scars inside and out. That man, rapist, murderer still walks free! I cannot even get a cell phone because of the bills I incurred from that night. My life got fucked. And he is out there doing it to others I'm sure...and I still suffer...The others probably died. I would have too had the car not crashed.

No more secrets, no more lies. I'm tired of being accused of being a liar...I am tired of being lied too.

I always tell it like it is; Unless when doing so would cause harm to myself and/or others.

I hope karma sodomizes him/them as he/they did to me.

And I hope she is huge and carries a huge pipe wrench too.

Postscript: I am feeling things-I am allowed too!!! It's about fucking time too!!!

File this under resentments.
Emotion: scared and angry


-Adree Does Eat