So,
Here are some subjects that may both impress and enrage people.
First...
Deep breath...for all of you that suffer weight and body image issues, I understand and sympathize. I too have similar issues. I weigh 110lbs in soaking wet clothes.
I eat. I love to cook. I'm not a junky and I'm not anorexic.
Why is it okay to ask me about it? Why is it okay to grab my wrists and compare them to your child's? Why is it okay to approach me about it at all?
I would never dream of doing that to someone. I was raised better than that.
I look in the mirror and hate it. I feel like all of my clothes fit like rags hanging from a broom. I cry too.
It gives me a complex adding too my already disturbed mind. I have felt like this all my life.
How dare you?
Second:
Mental illness...I'll return to this later....I need to process and make breakfast-because I do eat...
-Adree Does Eat
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Captain Random 1:
Wow, just, wow.
What an interesting few days.
It's election season. This year I made my choice early and backed away. I figured if something cool happened, some one would surely tell me, right?
No,
It's election season and I'm a computer nerd. I love social media. And social media is full of my friends.
My friends love politics-in all it's forms.
Like it or not I am absorbed.
I get mad, sad, happy, glad...all in five minutes. It's cool. Like, directed rapid cycling. I love it.
This year (season), I'm going through the emotions! Up and down. This rape talk has to stop, as does the abortion and birth control issues. Stop being idiots and focus.
Get down to the money. That's what your really all about.
-just my opinion. I believe what I read... It's a fault, I know. I'm good at pointing out mine, your turn.
-Adree Does Eat
What an interesting few days.
It's election season. This year I made my choice early and backed away. I figured if something cool happened, some one would surely tell me, right?
No,
It's election season and I'm a computer nerd. I love social media. And social media is full of my friends.
My friends love politics-in all it's forms.
Like it or not I am absorbed.
I get mad, sad, happy, glad...all in five minutes. It's cool. Like, directed rapid cycling. I love it.
This year (season), I'm going through the emotions! Up and down. This rape talk has to stop, as does the abortion and birth control issues. Stop being idiots and focus.
Get down to the money. That's what your really all about.
-just my opinion. I believe what I read... It's a fault, I know. I'm good at pointing out mine, your turn.
-Adree Does Eat
Threads
Hi,
It's my morning before my morning. I'm probably going to do a lot of writing today because Friday they will be prying my iPhone from my quivering fingers.
Friday, I reset, start over and hopefully become human.
I'm a prisoner you see. Not the "slit my husbands throat and chucked him into the lake" kind...
Nor am I the "moved around a few zeros and got a better tax return" kind...
But, the kind that someone builds with invisible spiderweb strong gossamer threads of their own spinning.
And spun I have.
I started weaving at about age six. My dad and I were out shopping for a new jacket. It was the first time he let me pick something out. I chose a mid-thigh pink corduroy coat with grey piping and snaps-I love snaps. I loved that coat. I think it was my intro to fashion. I wish I could have passed that coat to Rowan, but, I think my sister puked on it. Corduroy and puke are not a good combo.
We return to the car, my dad tells me I can sit up front. Only he doesn't start the engine. Keys gripped, my dads hands fall to his lap and he looks at me. "Adri, do you know how babies are made?"
Confused I say "I think so". I had no idea, but, since everyone always said I was so smart, I couldn't let something like this destroy my image. I faked it.
My dad points to his junk and says "well, a man takes this and puts it in that" pointing at my junk. "some fluids are exchanged and 9 months later a baby comes out.
"...because of this fact Adri, I am not your father. I'm sorry. Your mother and I would like me to be, but, you have to want me to be. Do you want me to be your father?"
My thought processor was over heating. I understood-I am smart, remember? I was suddenly so hurt, happy, sad, mad....I felt too much all at once. My dad was still talking about adoption and parties...All I was picturing was my dad peeing inside of my mom.
I looked over and whispered "yes".
And the threads began to weave....
It was the first time I buried my emotions. I had to stay strong for my dad. I didn't want him to see that I was upset. A single tear fell.
Now my prison is a tight cocoon.
This weekend I will begin my metamorphosis.
Who will I be?
What will I become. Only time can say.
I always did want wings.
-Adree Does Eat
It's my morning before my morning. I'm probably going to do a lot of writing today because Friday they will be prying my iPhone from my quivering fingers.
Friday, I reset, start over and hopefully become human.
I'm a prisoner you see. Not the "slit my husbands throat and chucked him into the lake" kind...
Nor am I the "moved around a few zeros and got a better tax return" kind...
But, the kind that someone builds with invisible spiderweb strong gossamer threads of their own spinning.
And spun I have.
I started weaving at about age six. My dad and I were out shopping for a new jacket. It was the first time he let me pick something out. I chose a mid-thigh pink corduroy coat with grey piping and snaps-I love snaps. I loved that coat. I think it was my intro to fashion. I wish I could have passed that coat to Rowan, but, I think my sister puked on it. Corduroy and puke are not a good combo.
We return to the car, my dad tells me I can sit up front. Only he doesn't start the engine. Keys gripped, my dads hands fall to his lap and he looks at me. "Adri, do you know how babies are made?"
Confused I say "I think so". I had no idea, but, since everyone always said I was so smart, I couldn't let something like this destroy my image. I faked it.
My dad points to his junk and says "well, a man takes this and puts it in that" pointing at my junk. "some fluids are exchanged and 9 months later a baby comes out.
"...because of this fact Adri, I am not your father. I'm sorry. Your mother and I would like me to be, but, you have to want me to be. Do you want me to be your father?"
My thought processor was over heating. I understood-I am smart, remember? I was suddenly so hurt, happy, sad, mad....I felt too much all at once. My dad was still talking about adoption and parties...All I was picturing was my dad peeing inside of my mom.
I looked over and whispered "yes".
And the threads began to weave....
It was the first time I buried my emotions. I had to stay strong for my dad. I didn't want him to see that I was upset. A single tear fell.
Now my prison is a tight cocoon.
This weekend I will begin my metamorphosis.
Who will I be?
What will I become. Only time can say.
I always did want wings.
-Adree Does Eat
Monday, August 27, 2012
This is a typical conversation
Almost bed time. Good. I love going to bed. I am a superhero in bed-multitasking? Done. Facebook? Done. Resumes are in, book in hand-it's bedtime....
Or so I think.
While looking at page 147 for god and Kurt only knows how long, I get transfixed by the conversation in my brain...
"So, you like unicorns and are just cool with honey?"
"how can you compare the two?"
"they are both sweet"
"wait...what???"
"new topic"
"you need to put dinner away"
"I kinda gotta pee"
"let's go pee!"
"easy killers, I'm comfy-your right though lets go now"
"it's raining"
"well isn't that nice"
"nice and wet, I'm not going out there".
"we are peeing inside, relax"!
"wait food".
"what food,relax, we want our steak cold and have other needs to attend too".
"right on, cool beans"
"I'm hungry, it's gonna be good tomorrow, let's get it in the morning cold"
"k-so, pee, put food away and then check Facebook, read, sleep".
"cool, let's do this"...
Later....
"everything is white, are we injured? Unconscious??"
"it's okay, it's just fog-fog in the house...wait, that's weird, whose house is this?"
I look around, I'm in a dusty kitchen. The food looks fresh, everything else is spoiled-it smells like dust and orange oil in here.
Through a small doorway is a dining room. The green carpet is threadbare and resembles what you might expect from a seedy motel, kinda like a wanna be oriental style. It smooshes under my feet. Everything feels damp. I walk over to a small desk against the far wall next to the roaring fire (where did that come from?) and start looking through things.
Ancient bills and adds from the 50's right on top. Interesting....
Ahh dreams. I cannot even sleep when I'm asleep....
It's a punk life.
-Adree Does Eat
Or so I think.
While looking at page 147 for god and Kurt only knows how long, I get transfixed by the conversation in my brain...
"So, you like unicorns and are just cool with honey?"
"how can you compare the two?"
"they are both sweet"
"wait...what???"
"new topic"
"you need to put dinner away"
"I kinda gotta pee"
"let's go pee!"
"easy killers, I'm comfy-your right though lets go now"
"it's raining"
"well isn't that nice"
"nice and wet, I'm not going out there".
"we are peeing inside, relax"!
"wait food".
"what food,relax, we want our steak cold and have other needs to attend too".
"right on, cool beans"
"I'm hungry, it's gonna be good tomorrow, let's get it in the morning cold"
"k-so, pee, put food away and then check Facebook, read, sleep".
"cool, let's do this"...
Later....
"everything is white, are we injured? Unconscious??"
"it's okay, it's just fog-fog in the house...wait, that's weird, whose house is this?"
I look around, I'm in a dusty kitchen. The food looks fresh, everything else is spoiled-it smells like dust and orange oil in here.
Through a small doorway is a dining room. The green carpet is threadbare and resembles what you might expect from a seedy motel, kinda like a wanna be oriental style. It smooshes under my feet. Everything feels damp. I walk over to a small desk against the far wall next to the roaring fire (where did that come from?) and start looking through things.
Ancient bills and adds from the 50's right on top. Interesting....
Ahh dreams. I cannot even sleep when I'm asleep....
It's a punk life.
-Adree Does Eat
Saturday, August 25, 2012
Dinner for Breakfast and Other Annomilies
It's always a debate in my house. "you let her have a lunchable (grilled cheese, ham, soup etc.) for breakfast?
Yes, yes I did. I don't often want that much sugar in the morning. It makes me nauseous. I think with my blood sugar issues (hypoglycemic) that ingesting too much sugar often leads to a crash and ookieness by afternoon. Protein and a small amount of sugar is okay.
We often go to lunch and have omlettes in the morning, or many people make pancakes for dinner. So what's the harm? I eat what I crave when I'm craving it. My doctor told me that's the way to do it, because your body needs whatever is in what your craving.
So, bring it on. Eat what you want when you want. It all goes to the same place anyway.
- Adree Does Eat
Yes, yes I did. I don't often want that much sugar in the morning. It makes me nauseous. I think with my blood sugar issues (hypoglycemic) that ingesting too much sugar often leads to a crash and ookieness by afternoon. Protein and a small amount of sugar is okay.
We often go to lunch and have omlettes in the morning, or many people make pancakes for dinner. So what's the harm? I eat what I crave when I'm craving it. My doctor told me that's the way to do it, because your body needs whatever is in what your craving.
So, bring it on. Eat what you want when you want. It all goes to the same place anyway.
- Adree Does Eat
Thursday, August 23, 2012
Squash Nosh
We went to the strip last week. While there and lured into Pittsburgh Macaroni Company, by their beautiful cheeses, I got side tracked.
In the back, by the deli, is a small cold case. Within the chili depths are some of the best local made ravioli's I have ever worked with. That day I chose the butternut squash ravioli. I had them once on Christmas when I prepared them with prosciutto, little neck clams and pistachios in a sage brown butter. It was a rock star moment.
Tonight I try to come close to that magic. Though, to be fair, I have deduced in my pregnant cravings, nothing quite pairs like squash and shellfish. I invented many a dish with the combination of the two and yeah, it's kinda like a tongue orgasm.
Tonight I started by marinating chicken in olive oil, white balsamic , rough chopped garlic, dried, thyme, sweet basil, oregano, rosemary, and salt and pepper. I did so for an hour or so.
I put the pasta water on, salted and slightly oiled. And placed the bacon in the oven.
Then I began our mushrooms. I did them properly, in butter,
an uncrowded pan. Small batches at a time. That's the secret.
Sorry guys I lost the rest of the photos from this when apple broke my phone. It was super yummy though.
In the back, by the deli, is a small cold case. Within the chili depths are some of the best local made ravioli's I have ever worked with. That day I chose the butternut squash ravioli. I had them once on Christmas when I prepared them with prosciutto, little neck clams and pistachios in a sage brown butter. It was a rock star moment.
Tonight I try to come close to that magic. Though, to be fair, I have deduced in my pregnant cravings, nothing quite pairs like squash and shellfish. I invented many a dish with the combination of the two and yeah, it's kinda like a tongue orgasm.
Tonight I started by marinating chicken in olive oil, white balsamic , rough chopped garlic, dried, thyme, sweet basil, oregano, rosemary, and salt and pepper. I did so for an hour or so.
I put the pasta water on, salted and slightly oiled. And placed the bacon in the oven.
Then I began our mushrooms. I did them properly, in butter,
an uncrowded pan. Small batches at a time. That's the secret.
Sorry guys I lost the rest of the photos from this when apple broke my phone. It was super yummy though.
Monday, August 20, 2012
Adree Interrupted
Sometimes, most of the time....my plans get put on hold. Logic is usually to blame. Silly logic and stupid timing.
Then again, maybe it's fate. I'm a realist with a touch of fatalistic. I believe in karma, retaliation and redemption.
I guess I'll work on stuff, I have a ton of unfinished projects to do. Time to start. Oh wait, phone calls. I hate the phone.
It sucks.
However I love-
Social media...
It feels like passing notes in high school. All "oh my god!" n' shit..
I am often nervous, excited, and bored while scrolling through my feed. So much like school in fact that, I'm obsessed.
Smart phones are crazy cool. Anywhere I am at anytime, I can look up recipes, pass notes to my friends, find out a new kitchen technique and buy some boots....über cool.
I fear for my child's future. If passing notes is this easy now, when she gets to high school...
It will be some freaky thing that I don't get and she won't stop talking about.
The world is changing. I'm changing.
And I will miss my facebook for a whole month. I will have to read books. Pass notes with paper.
Draw until I cannot hold a pencil. That kinda stuff.
Crazy.
The world is crazy, and getting crazier by the moment. I hope we make it out alive.
- Adree Does Eat
Then again, maybe it's fate. I'm a realist with a touch of fatalistic. I believe in karma, retaliation and redemption.
I guess I'll work on stuff, I have a ton of unfinished projects to do. Time to start. Oh wait, phone calls. I hate the phone.
It sucks.
However I love-
Social media...
It feels like passing notes in high school. All "oh my god!" n' shit..
I am often nervous, excited, and bored while scrolling through my feed. So much like school in fact that, I'm obsessed.
Smart phones are crazy cool. Anywhere I am at anytime, I can look up recipes, pass notes to my friends, find out a new kitchen technique and buy some boots....über cool.
I fear for my child's future. If passing notes is this easy now, when she gets to high school...
It will be some freaky thing that I don't get and she won't stop talking about.
The world is changing. I'm changing.
And I will miss my facebook for a whole month. I will have to read books. Pass notes with paper.
Draw until I cannot hold a pencil. That kinda stuff.
Crazy.
The world is crazy, and getting crazier by the moment. I hope we make it out alive.
- Adree Does Eat
Sunday, August 19, 2012
Prose I suppose...
It has to be.
Just remember who I am.
I rebel.
I justify.
I'm private.
I hate hypocrites.
I am kind.
I am sweet.
I'm a hard worker.
I'm a problem solver.
I give up easy.
I don't like criticism.
That's why I don't work in the art world.
I love deeply.
I hate passionately.
Sometimes those are the same thing.
I'm a genius.
I'm also insane.
I am apathetic.
I am empathic.
I am a touch psychic.
I am sensitive.
I am hurt easy.
I am a survivor.
I hate god.
I love spirit.
I'm messy and OCD about everything except messes and germs.
I know who I am. I accept me. In order to be a part of my life, you have to too.
- Adree Does Eat
Just remember who I am.
I rebel.
I justify.
I'm private.
I hate hypocrites.
I am kind.
I am sweet.
I'm a hard worker.
I'm a problem solver.
I give up easy.
I don't like criticism.
That's why I don't work in the art world.
I love deeply.
I hate passionately.
Sometimes those are the same thing.
I'm a genius.
I'm also insane.
I am apathetic.
I am empathic.
I am a touch psychic.
I am sensitive.
I am hurt easy.
I am a survivor.
I hate god.
I love spirit.
I'm messy and OCD about everything except messes and germs.
I know who I am. I accept me. In order to be a part of my life, you have to too.
- Adree Does Eat
Kitchen Korma Two.
Gotta get my blog fix. It will be a month. A whole scary month. Whoa. No blogs, no social media...no outside world. Ahhh.
So I decided to add some more info on home cooked Indian food.
Let me know, chicken tikka Marsala, Vindeloo or both....???
- Adree Does Eat
So I decided to add some more info on home cooked Indian food.
Let me know, chicken tikka Marsala, Vindeloo or both....???
- Adree Does Eat
Happy notes:
Hmm what to eat for dinner? I have 3 chops. Bok choy, mung bean noodles and carrots. I'm feeling a great stir fry.
Ahh but I go into the hospital for a month tomorrow night. Yay hospital food :(
This last week we have made or ate Asian three times. Is my husband sick of it? Am I? I kinda want stove top and gravy. Or goat cheese stuffed chops...jeebus, what do I do? What do I eat? Rawr! Bah! I have to make phone calls. I hate the phone.
In the end after playing with my angel...happily and a bit sad...I decided mom food, my mom's food specifically, is best. Pork chops, stove top, gravy, and peas. I'll miss this. I'll miss life and everything it has to offer...
I will miss her. I am gonna be lonely as hell and need snuggles at three a.m.
It's worth it though just to know I will be here for her for a long, long time.
Heres to mom food. And being a mom. The scariest most wonderful thing I have ever done.
Forever sweet girl. You drive me.
And you totally need to try mom food ;)
I love you Rowan and mom.
- Adree Does Eat
Ahh but I go into the hospital for a month tomorrow night. Yay hospital food :(
This last week we have made or ate Asian three times. Is my husband sick of it? Am I? I kinda want stove top and gravy. Or goat cheese stuffed chops...jeebus, what do I do? What do I eat? Rawr! Bah! I have to make phone calls. I hate the phone.
In the end after playing with my angel...happily and a bit sad...I decided mom food, my mom's food specifically, is best. Pork chops, stove top, gravy, and peas. I'll miss this. I'll miss life and everything it has to offer...
I will miss her. I am gonna be lonely as hell and need snuggles at three a.m.
It's worth it though just to know I will be here for her for a long, long time.
Heres to mom food. And being a mom. The scariest most wonderful thing I have ever done.
Forever sweet girl. You drive me.
And you totally need to try mom food ;)
I love you Rowan and mom.
- Adree Does Eat
Food Anxiety
Omg! I'm not perfect! Jeebus, why didn't anyone tell me? Oh wait, they did/do all the time. Fuck it I embrace it. Who want to be perfect. Not I.
Being perfect has its own chapter in the DSM, I'm pretty uncomfortable with that. I am okay having problems. That is life.
I have a new problem. One hopefully can be resolved in the hospital/resort of my choice. One that used to be countered by smoking a joint and waiting for all of the spectacular munchies to commence.
I love to cook but, I can't eat much. Anxiety is a bitch. And I have always had it. I hate it.
Most recently I had to starve myself to feed others. I know-right! I lost a lot-more than I'm willing to share at this point, but it's all bad.
I grew up poor. I have been through this. Tackled it, but it came back.
Food is my favorite thing in this world. Rowan is my favorite person. This problem assures I will leave her too soon.
I get chest pains. Both hands sometimes go numb. I have panic attacks that feel like heart attacks with a blood pressure of 220/110. Not good. I worry about death 100 times and hour. I am not going out like that.
So, now is the time. For once and for the sake of all. This is gonna go.
I'll never go without again. This sickness sucks.
I'm done. There is too much duck liver and tacos to be enjoyed. And cheese! Fuck you stress induced eating disorder. Die.
I'm hungry. And I never will be again.
- Adree Does Eat
Being perfect has its own chapter in the DSM, I'm pretty uncomfortable with that. I am okay having problems. That is life.
I have a new problem. One hopefully can be resolved in the hospital/resort of my choice. One that used to be countered by smoking a joint and waiting for all of the spectacular munchies to commence.
I love to cook but, I can't eat much. Anxiety is a bitch. And I have always had it. I hate it.
Most recently I had to starve myself to feed others. I know-right! I lost a lot-more than I'm willing to share at this point, but it's all bad.
I grew up poor. I have been through this. Tackled it, but it came back.
Food is my favorite thing in this world. Rowan is my favorite person. This problem assures I will leave her too soon.
I get chest pains. Both hands sometimes go numb. I have panic attacks that feel like heart attacks with a blood pressure of 220/110. Not good. I worry about death 100 times and hour. I am not going out like that.
So, now is the time. For once and for the sake of all. This is gonna go.
I'll never go without again. This sickness sucks.
I'm done. There is too much duck liver and tacos to be enjoyed. And cheese! Fuck you stress induced eating disorder. Die.
I'm hungry. And I never will be again.
- Adree Does Eat
Gotta get Out!!! Here comes the word vomit.
My mind races. Kinda like the carnival. Anytime I lay down, Anytime I shower, watch tv, go pee, fuck...the music starts the conversations flow and the party picks up. Sometimes it just needs to you know "shut the fuck up".
" I don't want to hear a remix of the cure, tupac, johnny cash and lady gaga"; brain thank you very much.
"I don't know where my purple shirt or my springform pan is."
" No we cannot buy shoes today."
"Rowan's not OCD she is just a kid."
"The baby we lost wasn't meant to be."
"god hates me and Jesus was just a cool dude. Energy rings. I haven't killed or punched anyone in a while. I don't think I can. I believe in energy and mindfullness. Pixies and fairies. I've met a few. Whatever happened to that girl..."
"when was the last time you went to the doctors. Your tooth is broken call the dentist"
"my hair would look cute blonde, but it was a bitch to get my natural color back"
"you lack the focus to make homemade pasta"
"soup fixes everything, so does the safety dance"
"there are no bears outside that will rape and gouge your vagina"
"shut up"
"tacos...beer..."
"I don't like this lamp, too bright. The suns a bitch, I hate yellow"
"and he's commin' after me with a butterfly net"
"Beck-god?..."
This is life with anxiety, all of these thoughts ALL AT ONCE! Gotta get this fixed. And I am. So brain, people, everyone Shut The Fuck Up!
Thank you kindly.
- Adree Does Eat
" I don't want to hear a remix of the cure, tupac, johnny cash and lady gaga"; brain thank you very much.
"I don't know where my purple shirt or my springform pan is."
" No we cannot buy shoes today."
"Rowan's not OCD she is just a kid."
"The baby we lost wasn't meant to be."
"god hates me and Jesus was just a cool dude. Energy rings. I haven't killed or punched anyone in a while. I don't think I can. I believe in energy and mindfullness. Pixies and fairies. I've met a few. Whatever happened to that girl..."
"when was the last time you went to the doctors. Your tooth is broken call the dentist"
"my hair would look cute blonde, but it was a bitch to get my natural color back"
"you lack the focus to make homemade pasta"
"soup fixes everything, so does the safety dance"
"there are no bears outside that will rape and gouge your vagina"
"shut up"
"tacos...beer..."
"I don't like this lamp, too bright. The suns a bitch, I hate yellow"
"and he's commin' after me with a butterfly net"
"Beck-god?..."
This is life with anxiety, all of these thoughts ALL AT ONCE! Gotta get this fixed. And I am. So brain, people, everyone Shut The Fuck Up!
Thank you kindly.
- Adree Does Eat
The Journey
It's no secret if you actually know me, that I am emotionally unstable, I am very angry, I self medicate with most things that can calm a mind that races so fast that I can't keep up.
I don't have issues, I have a multi-media catalogue and a news stand.
The last few months of my life were the worst I have had in years. I back slid. I'm not proud. I'm just angry that I let it all happen.
Why tell you all this? Because. This is my Blog. My spot. I eat like a bird. I can't sleep. Cooking is my zen. The only thing I do that calms my mind. Though I try everything else. This is my place to write about my life, all of it. I feel no guilt or shame, other than that it's come to this to undo all that has been done.
I'm proud to make the decision on my own and to not have to do it alone.
Time to make better choices.
Time to cut bad people and things outta my life.
Time to change.
Tomorrow I begin a journey. One I'm both excited about and terrified of. Hopefully one that will teach me how to live with my past, my present, my future.
I hope for spiritual mindfullness. To heal these old wounds. To live unmedicated. I want to be happy and healthy. To be able to relax. To calm my anxiety without ingesting anything, to be normal.
Yeah, I'm scared. I'm bloody terrified. I will keep a journal of my process; and update here once I'm free again.
Can it be done? I truly want to try. I hope these teams of doctors and therapists know what they are in for. No one rages like me-and I have a lot to be angry about...
But I have the best thing to be happy about:
For you Rowan Audrey Margolis. I love you and would do anything for you.
I don't have issues, I have a multi-media catalogue and a news stand.
The last few months of my life were the worst I have had in years. I back slid. I'm not proud. I'm just angry that I let it all happen.
Why tell you all this? Because. This is my Blog. My spot. I eat like a bird. I can't sleep. Cooking is my zen. The only thing I do that calms my mind. Though I try everything else. This is my place to write about my life, all of it. I feel no guilt or shame, other than that it's come to this to undo all that has been done.
I'm proud to make the decision on my own and to not have to do it alone.
Time to make better choices.
Time to cut bad people and things outta my life.
Time to change.
Tomorrow I begin a journey. One I'm both excited about and terrified of. Hopefully one that will teach me how to live with my past, my present, my future.
I hope for spiritual mindfullness. To heal these old wounds. To live unmedicated. I want to be happy and healthy. To be able to relax. To calm my anxiety without ingesting anything, to be normal.
Yeah, I'm scared. I'm bloody terrified. I will keep a journal of my process; and update here once I'm free again.
Can it be done? I truly want to try. I hope these teams of doctors and therapists know what they are in for. No one rages like me-and I have a lot to be angry about...
But I have the best thing to be happy about:
For you Rowan Audrey Margolis. I love you and would do anything for you.
Saturday, August 18, 2012
Secrets...
When I don't want to cook I'm either tired or ill. Or just hungover, I become basically selfish.
Never should this reflect your taste in food. Except, we all get the munchies and sometimes it's fine to, you know, just cheat...
Rowan went to an amusement park today. She went with my questionable in laws (they hate me because their son is perfect and I'm the whore of Babylon-update they are coming around-and I love them).
Needless to say, she had a blast.
You would think that this is prime time to make complicated dishes that involve rolling pins, long cooking processes, wine (because the best dishes are made while drinking and cooking with wine) and sweat.
Bah, but it's sleepover night-or it was until she got too tired.
My house is kinda clean and I just wanna drink a beer and nap. No judgement here, I'm tired of the pedestal thing. I'm not perfect and I'm not June Cleaver. I am just a haunted person whom likes to relax. Beginning Monday it will all change. Bring it. I welcome it. Until then cheers and goodnight.
Fast food or takeout for sure.
Chinese it is. Suck it.
- Adree Does Eat
Never should this reflect your taste in food. Except, we all get the munchies and sometimes it's fine to, you know, just cheat...
Rowan went to an amusement park today. She went with my questionable in laws (they hate me because their son is perfect and I'm the whore of Babylon-update they are coming around-and I love them).
Needless to say, she had a blast.
You would think that this is prime time to make complicated dishes that involve rolling pins, long cooking processes, wine (because the best dishes are made while drinking and cooking with wine) and sweat.
Bah, but it's sleepover night-or it was until she got too tired.
My house is kinda clean and I just wanna drink a beer and nap. No judgement here, I'm tired of the pedestal thing. I'm not perfect and I'm not June Cleaver. I am just a haunted person whom likes to relax. Beginning Monday it will all change. Bring it. I welcome it. Until then cheers and goodnight.
Fast food or takeout for sure.
Chinese it is. Suck it.
- Adree Does Eat
Friday, August 17, 2012
Old School
I mean, like kid food.
I have a kid. She is a smart, whiny, cute little girl with a heart as big as Texas.
Being a kid she only seems to eat "kid food". I cannot get her to eat a cucumber to save my life. Nor, a cheeseburger or piece of fish.
When she looks at me with giant blue eyes and says "mommy, I really need fried chicken". I indulge her just because it doesn't come in a can and it's not a pizza lunchable. Yay!
Today was just one of those days. Fried chicken and gravy rice (which she also won't touch).
Five bucks later and "dinner"! Now if she would just sleep....
- Adree Does Eat
I have a kid. She is a smart, whiny, cute little girl with a heart as big as Texas.
Being a kid she only seems to eat "kid food". I cannot get her to eat a cucumber to save my life. Nor, a cheeseburger or piece of fish.
When she looks at me with giant blue eyes and says "mommy, I really need fried chicken". I indulge her just because it doesn't come in a can and it's not a pizza lunchable. Yay!
Today was just one of those days. Fried chicken and gravy rice (which she also won't touch).
Five bucks later and "dinner"! Now if she would just sleep....
- Adree Does Eat
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
Saturday, August 11, 2012
Kitchen Korma
Ahh India...land of beautiful lashes, amazing smells, beautiful colors, Saris, Ganesha, Kali, sacred cows and the amazing, exotic food...I have always wanted to go...for now I settle for the food. I want to eat that country.
Different regions have different styles. The more north you go the more spicy and more meat. The more south, the milder and more vegetarian. I'll teach you how to cook them all, at home, for cheap :)
Spices! India has a long history of the best and most diverse spices in the world. The markets are rich with the exotic. Often cheap and easy to haggle.
For a beginner, I recommend starting with blends until you become comfortable. Sweet Curry Powder, Hot Curry Powder, Gahram Marsala, Rojan Josh, Vindeloo, and Ground Ginger are good starter spices. Later cardamom pods, corriander, star anise and cassia cinnamon are great additions.
Yoghurt is important, as is cream and coconut milk. Depending on the dish you are making. They make sauces rich and creamy. They add tart and sweet elements important depending on what you are making.
Let's begin with a simple chicken curry. I start by taking a cup or so of yoghurt, some curry powder, I like hot but you can use sweet or both. Mix these together. Place 1lb of chicken cut to bite size pieces. Stir, cover and place in the fridge.
Next, start prepping the other stuff. I personally like potatoes and tomatoes and a whole sweet onion in my curry; but you can add peas, eggplant, squash, zucchini anything you like. Cut veggies to approximately the same size. Place in mixing bowl.
Begin the cooking process by taking a few table spoons of unsalted butter and melt it in a Dutch oven. If you don't have a Dutch oven and large pot will do, the heavier the better. I like to go from stove to oven, but, if your pot cannot do this you can do it all on the stove.
When the butter is melted, add a couple more teaspoons of curry powder and one teaspoon ground ginger and a pinch of salt to the butter. Heat for a few minutes over medium heat to release the oils in the spices. This is important. Add about a tablespoon of oil. I use olive, but any high heat oil will do, raise the heat a little to med/high and add your onion. Let that sweat for a few.
Start adding your chicken a few pieces at a time. Letting it brown up a little. Add your veggies and enough stock or water to just become even with your other ingredients. Cover reduce heat to low. Or place into a 225 degree oven.
Cook low and slow until the potatoes are nice and tender, takes approx. 2 hours but, check now and again. The slow process makes all of the flavors mingle and the chicken and potatoes, beautifully tender. At the very end stir in more yoghurt until nice and creamy. Add kosher salt and pepper to taste.
Serve with Raita and Naan; Or chutneys of your choice.
- Adree Does Eat
Different regions have different styles. The more north you go the more spicy and more meat. The more south, the milder and more vegetarian. I'll teach you how to cook them all, at home, for cheap :)
Spices! India has a long history of the best and most diverse spices in the world. The markets are rich with the exotic. Often cheap and easy to haggle.
For a beginner, I recommend starting with blends until you become comfortable. Sweet Curry Powder, Hot Curry Powder, Gahram Marsala, Rojan Josh, Vindeloo, and Ground Ginger are good starter spices. Later cardamom pods, corriander, star anise and cassia cinnamon are great additions.
Yoghurt is important, as is cream and coconut milk. Depending on the dish you are making. They make sauces rich and creamy. They add tart and sweet elements important depending on what you are making.
Let's begin with a simple chicken curry. I start by taking a cup or so of yoghurt, some curry powder, I like hot but you can use sweet or both. Mix these together. Place 1lb of chicken cut to bite size pieces. Stir, cover and place in the fridge.
Next, start prepping the other stuff. I personally like potatoes and tomatoes and a whole sweet onion in my curry; but you can add peas, eggplant, squash, zucchini anything you like. Cut veggies to approximately the same size. Place in mixing bowl.
Begin the cooking process by taking a few table spoons of unsalted butter and melt it in a Dutch oven. If you don't have a Dutch oven and large pot will do, the heavier the better. I like to go from stove to oven, but, if your pot cannot do this you can do it all on the stove.
When the butter is melted, add a couple more teaspoons of curry powder and one teaspoon ground ginger and a pinch of salt to the butter. Heat for a few minutes over medium heat to release the oils in the spices. This is important. Add about a tablespoon of oil. I use olive, but any high heat oil will do, raise the heat a little to med/high and add your onion. Let that sweat for a few.
Start adding your chicken a few pieces at a time. Letting it brown up a little. Add your veggies and enough stock or water to just become even with your other ingredients. Cover reduce heat to low. Or place into a 225 degree oven.
Cook low and slow until the potatoes are nice and tender, takes approx. 2 hours but, check now and again. The slow process makes all of the flavors mingle and the chicken and potatoes, beautifully tender. At the very end stir in more yoghurt until nice and creamy. Add kosher salt and pepper to taste.
Serve with Raita and Naan; Or chutneys of your choice.
- Adree Does Eat
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
Mine
Blog links:
http://adreedoeseat.blogspot.com/?m=1
http://adreedoeseat.blogspot.com/2012/07/spoon.html?m=1
- Adree Does Eat
http://adreedoeseat.blogspot.com/?m=1
http://adreedoeseat.blogspot.com/2012/07/spoon.html?m=1
- Adree Does Eat
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