Food Anxiety

Omg! I'm not perfect! Jeebus, why didn't anyone tell me? Oh wait, they did/do all the time. Fuck it I embrace it. Who want to be perfect. Not I.

Being perfect has its own chapter in the DSM, I'm pretty uncomfortable with that. I am okay having problems. That is life.

I have a new problem. One hopefully can be resolved in the hospital/resort of my choice. One that used to be countered by smoking a joint and waiting for all of the spectacular munchies to commence.

I love to cook but, I can't eat much. Anxiety is a bitch. And I have always had it. I hate it.
Most recently I had to starve myself to feed others. I know-right! I lost a lot-more than I'm willing to share at this point, but it's all bad.

I grew up poor. I have been through this. Tackled it, but it came back.

Food is my favorite thing in this world. Rowan is my favorite person. This problem assures I will leave her too soon.
I get chest pains. Both hands sometimes go numb. I have panic attacks that feel like heart attacks with a blood pressure of 220/110. Not good. I worry about death 100 times and hour. I am not going out like that.

So, now is the time. For once and for the sake of all. This is gonna go.

I'll never go without again. This sickness sucks.

I'm done. There is too much duck liver and tacos to be enjoyed. And cheese! Fuck you stress induced eating disorder. Die.

I'm hungry. And I never will be again.

- Adree Does Eat