The Journey

It's no secret if you actually know me, that I am emotionally unstable, I am very angry, I self medicate with most things that can calm a mind that races so fast that I can't keep up.

I don't have issues, I have a multi-media catalogue and a news stand.

The last few months of my life were the worst I have had in years. I back slid. I'm not proud. I'm just angry that I let it all happen.

Why tell you all this? Because. This is my Blog. My spot. I eat like a bird. I can't sleep. Cooking is my zen. The only thing I do that calms my mind. Though I try everything else. This is my place to write about my life, all of it. I feel no guilt or shame, other than that it's come to this to undo all that has been done.

I'm proud to make the decision on my own and to not have to do it alone.

Time to make better choices.

Time to cut bad people and things outta my life.

Time to change.

Tomorrow I begin a journey. One I'm both excited about and terrified of. Hopefully one that will teach me how to live with my past, my present, my future.

I hope for spiritual mindfullness. To heal these old wounds. To live unmedicated. I want to be happy and healthy. To be able to relax. To calm my anxiety without ingesting anything, to be normal.

Yeah, I'm scared. I'm bloody terrified. I will keep a journal of my process; and update here once I'm free again.

Can it be done? I truly want to try. I hope these teams of doctors and therapists know what they are in for. No one rages like me-and I have a lot to be angry about...
But I have the best thing to be happy about:

For you Rowan Audrey Margolis. I love you and would do anything for you.